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Fast and Furious

January 11, 2020

Ok, I have now seen all the Fast and Furious movies and I have some thoughts. First, they are fun! I recommend them if you can suspend your disbelief. I don’t mean about the crazy stunts and action scenes, although that’s part of it. To enjoy the Fast and Furious franchise you need to realize these films take place in an alternate reality where pretty much everything revolves around cars. The only locations are good guy abodes, bad guy abodes, government facilities, the occasional public meeting place like a cemetery, and car-related places, of which there are a lot! There’s city streets, rural roads, car shops, car lots, garages, and of course, race tracks and racing gathering places, whether as a staging ground for an urban street race, or out in the desert for something like Race Wars. Also, everyone in this reality is really attractive, with the exception of some government employees, and a select few are imbued with super-strength, durability, and luck, by the car gods.

So what’s the best Fast and Furious film? I know a lot of people say Fast 5 is the best because of The Rock’s so-bad-it’s-good-ness, plus it’s the first time a bunch of other characters from previous films get together. 5 is good, but I think maybe the best one is the first one, The Fast and the Furious. It’s probably Vin Deisel’s best performance and it does a nice job of setting the tone of the world. I also like 7 because then you get Jason Statham, and 7 is probably better than F8te and Hobbs and Shaw. The other one I like a lot is Tokyo Drift, because this one is firmly rooted in the Fast and Furious tone, in that the whole world revolves around cars, and it’s all about the race. Racing basically determines everything that happens in this movie, and I like the spiritual aspect of the racer and the race that’s pretty much only in this one and the first one.

Ok, so I have some ideas for what to do next. I know the filmmakers have said 9 and 10 will be the last ones, but I kinda doubt that. Probably Vin will die, but the Fast and Furious universe will continue. How bout Tokyo Drift 2? What happened to DK? I feel like he could come back and be an anti-hero type character. I also could see a movie about young Vin and Michelle Rodriguez getting into trouble as teenagers. Maybe that sets up her own movie, set after 10? I also think it could be cool to release a set of short films, so Gal Gadot could get a short, Ludacris could get a short, etc. Why don’t other shared universes do this? I think it would be cool for Star Wars, Marvel, and DC, to put out sets of short films in theaters.

Here’s my final pitch: Hobbs and Shaw 2, in which they become gay lovers. There’s so much male bonding in these flicks, why not just make it official? Hobbs talks about things he would do to Shaw’s ass on multiple occasions. The studio could put the script under lock and key and have a Star Wars/Avengers level of secrecy, and then the movie will get tons of buzz once it starts getting rejected by censors from other countries, and it would be an history-making film. The Rock and The Stath are cool and I think they would be up for it. Can you imagine a Fast and Furious film ending with a gay marriage? People’s heads would explode and the world would be a better place.

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